I just finished typing the exact same words (I just don't know what to do) on my thread, for pretty much the same reason.
I really feel for you. Isn't this unbelievable?
Like your parents, I sometimes think that my H might be a really good con-man, who is great at deceiving people he wants to exploit. But I also think that, most likely, he is cyclothymic/bipolar and really cannot help the massive irritability and irrational excess that he displays.
And like you, I wonder, most of all, how on earth to keep DB'ing in the face of sheer bloody-minded avariciousness and nastiness from him concerning financial issues.
Stay out of her head. Expect anything from anyone, the devil was once an angel. Empower yourself by loving yourself, and you can do anything and take on any challenge that comes your way. You can't solve a problem by staying in the same energy in which it was created. We have the power to deal with the here and now, regardless of the past. Real life is in the present.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
First of all, I am sorry you are having to deal with this....
Secondly.....I think you need to find a way to relax a little, and allow yourself to breathe.
This part of it sukcs, yet we must find a way to be consistent in our own actions through this.
I will tell you that, if you listen to HER lawyer right now, you will drive yourself off of a cliff before your court date.
Crimson, HER lawyer works for HER, not you. He is out to get every penny that she "deserves".
I mean, how could she NOT get that...right ?
She "suffered" for years , and now she is entitled......
Bullschidt....
Is her Lawyer contacting you directly ?
Although her Lawyer knows the law, he is NOT the law. And he can ask for a 1957 Buick Station wagon if he wants.....Doesn't mean he is gonna get it.
What is your Lawyer saying about this ?
I sat my Lawyer down at our first meaning, and I CLEARLY laid out what I wanted, what I would negotiate on , and what was firm for me. I told her that 50% custody was non-negotiable for me , and if she could not deliver that, then I would find someone else to represent me.
Me ex asked for:
House Full Custody ( including around $1200 per month support) Alimony Me paying her legal fees Her van
What the reality ended up being.....
Well, I hope she likes her van....
Don't become a victim to her Lawyer...
He is YOUR son too, and you have every right to be with him as much as she....
DOCUMENT EVERYTHING that you do for him. Every penny that you spend, every second that he is with you, every second that she denies him to you.....EVERYTHING.
If it isn't written and documented, it didn't happen.
And please don't misunderstand me either. You don't have to be an A$$ throughout this.
Do what is fair, and do what is just, because that is what needs to happen. Not because you are trying to "punish" her in any way.
The legal side of this is a business transaction. Please make decisions in your head, and not with your heart. Your Wife is acting from emotion, there is no need for BOTH of you to.
Keep your chin up Crimson. And remember...
Everytime her Lawyer hits you with a load of BS, hit them back with a dose of reality.
THIS is the time where you can SHOW your changes...
The time when your actions will play a role. A time when your words will mean very little.
HOW you carry yourself throughout this will be the memory that she has of you in the future.
And please keep in mind, that anything that goes through the courts, will be Public record. What I tried to do was, to think that what I did, will one day be viewed by my children, and how would I want them to view me in the future when they think of their Father.
HOW do you want to be remembered by her ?
Would you be honored by what your Son reads about you in the future ?
Mach1, this is where my head is spinning. Actions. How in the h3ll do I act right now? I am beyond angry with her especially with regard to the false implication that I have refused to help with our S. I don't know how to have a pleasant exchange when my level of frustration is this high.
This morning I woke up feeling sick to my stomach. Dry heaves. I just don't get why I am being pushed like this. I am not without fault in this matter, but nothing I've done necessitates this as a response.
Actions. How in the h3ll do I act right now? I am beyond angry with her especially with regard to the false implication that I have refused to help with our S. I don't know how to have a pleasant exchange when my level of frustration is this high.
Is it a false implication ?
If it is not, then you should take a look at it...
If it IS false, then there should be no pain associated with it, because you know YOUR truth.....
Gabby is right....
You have to protect yourself and do what is right for you and your son...
The rest will happen regardless of anything you say.
So, remove your spouse from the equation....
WHY are you frustrated ?????
Try to pinpoint ONE thing , and start with that.
You know, it is okay to be angry right now, I mean , she stole your rocking chair off of your porch.
It is how WE deal with that anger that makes us better for our future....
Try to find a way to channel that anger. Go to the gym and beat the hell out of a bag, go for a run, crack off a few rounds at the range....
That is for you.....
Find one thing today, that you can do for you, to release that anger....
Sitting around and letting that build up , is not healthy.
I just don't get why I am being pushed like this. I am not without fault in this matter, but nothing I've done necessitates this as a response.
I had all of those same feelings Crimson. I couldn't understand it, as hard as I tried. I finally just had to accept it. She went after my carotid artery, knowing that I didn't want the marriage to end...knowing that I was sorry and remorseful for my wrongdoings. I was more hurt than anything else. She was pissed and she used that anger to motivate her to do all of the things she did (and a lot of that was pretty bad stuff). She used her anger at me as a tool to help her leave, and do everything else that she's done since then. I should have had some anger at the vindictive things that she did to me through the legal system...but I never did. I just had hurt. It was just bad [censored] that I had to go through. And trying to get in her head and understand why she was doing these things got me nowhere...nowhere! I know a helluva lot more now than I did then. I'm sorry for ya'...I understand...and I can relate completely to what you're dealing with.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
And you could look at this way, no doubt the L had her searching for anything they could tag you with and that's the only thing she could come up with? I think that speaks volumes. But it gives you fair warning that you must protect yourself and keep records. Have no expectation that she will do the right thing by you.
Anger isn't bad. Anger can be motivational but it can be dangerous when stuffed or reacted to in unhealthy ways (yelling, slamming doors, hitting, drinking). I try to look at where my anger is coming from. Mine is usually rooted in fear and when I deal with the fear, the anger goes away and I know how to proceed.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Have no expectation that she will do the right thing by you. away and I know how to proceed.
Be prepared that she will not do the right thing by you. Understand that 'what's right' to you and 'what's right' to her are 2 different things in these situations. It [censored]...but that's the way it is.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
