The sad thing, in a way, is that it all seems to matter less and less to the children and to us as times goes by. It is our salvation too, but it is sad that we no longer care as much.
My eldest son refused to speak to his father for the longest time - way past two years. My xh now desperately wants, on one level, to have his children in his life again [after pretty much ignoring their existence for years] but only on the basis that everyone plays 'let's pretend that there is nothing the matter with the situation'. that is, there is no sense of 'I screwed up on this, and let's try and put things right'.
So rather than argue they dutifully shuffle along to see him from time to time, have a meal, or go to the theatre, and they tell me one thing [they are doing it because afer all he is their father] and he says another - that everything is pretty much OK, and just as he predicted they would come around.
It is a duty for them, and a need for him, I think, at this stage. But really who knows, and if you think too much about them, as i have said, you get sucked back alongside the crazy train. Been there and done that.
The children and I are going to be OK, and that has been my main concern. It has been very very hairy at times, and my youngest nearly got killed in a reckless accident, which I believe was caused in large part by his misery and partly by normal stupid young adult behaviour - can't blame it all on his father! but he is OK now.
