WHG: When last we heard from our action hero...

[workinghardguy]

Thanks 25... I do realize this... I realized it after I hit send on the email. And this was after I read and re-read the email at least 10 times. It just didn't click until I posted it here. Granted, the words were more directed at how I feel and not how she should feel, but I can see how they are related.

The last two days I have done better with not responding to the texts. Maybe the OM issue has helped with that, I don't know. I just don't respond unless it is related to the kids and then only if it is urgent. Today she texted me that she needs me to tell her what we still need to get the kids from their XMas lists, and that she would prefer I use email to do that. Also, that she doesn't need an answer until Wed or Thu. Ok... well then it's clearly not a priority so I didn't respond and will email her when I have the time.

It's really email/texting that is my downfall right now. When we are at home and she brings up topics I simply listen. I don't offer suggestions or fixes to her problems. I listen and validate. I can't even remember the last time I offered a suggestion during a conversation. In fact I've seen the
the value of not fixing... she was having problems accessing her EAP benefits at her workplace. I wanted to suggest she call my employer's EAP services, but I didn't. I just listened and agreed that her employer's EAP seemed difficult and unresponsive. A few days later she came to me and asked me for my employer's EAP contact info. I gave it without comment or judgement.

As far as it being easy but not complicated, I agree. BUT, it's a trained habit after seven years. See text, respond. Seven years of that is not easy to undo in three months. It takes practice and effort, and I will be the first to admit I have to get better at it. The last two days I would give myself and A on not responding at the drop of a hat... prior to that I would give myself an F or maybe a D.

I've read "How to Save Your Marriage Without Talking About It" and it really spoke to me, so I do get it. It's seems to only be in the written word that I fall down at this point. Which is odd because I have more time and space to review the written word versus the spoken. At the same time, I know when we are having conversation I am constantly engaged and actively reminding myself to validate, listen, don't judge, and don't solve. I need to find a way to do that in the other forms of communication as well.

And to 2TP... I have had that conversation with S's teacher. I've asked her at multiple intervals whether she's observed behavior changes in S, advised her that there are problems at home, and to please notify me of any changes right away so we can get ahead of them. Each time she has said she's noticed nothing different in S. I do worry that my position as a director on our Board of Education might make her scared to tell me that my S is acting out or otherwise having problems, but I can only control so much in life I guess.