WHG: When last we heard from our action hero...

[2thepoint]

"It is natural but not always helpful for men to think that "fixing" it is what we want. But usually it's not. In fact it can backfire, and here is why.

Suppose your w says she feels really bad about a mistake at work. Then you say "w, you should not feel bad. That 'mistake' was someone else's fault."

What she might hear, is you saying "You are wrong in your perception so you have nothing to feel badly about and therefore your feelings are in error too, and we will now stop wasting time on it. Let's talk about what I want to discuss = something else."

IN sum, you just shut her up, AND dismissed her bad feelings at the same time."

^^^^This!!!^^^^ is exactly what I have been struggling with!! A female friend told me just today me the same thing that 25 is describing. I always felt like I was being emotionally supportive of my W but in reality, I was doing exactly what 25 describes above. And, my W was very likely interpreting it the same was as 25 describes.

This doesn't work! Do what works!