I know it is frustrating when you feel like you are taking steps in the wrong direction, but I think as long as you are learning a lesson from each step that you take and you don't continue to make the same mistakes over and over again than you are continuing to evolve and before you know it you will be taking fewer and fewer steps backwards.
This is very well said Sunshine and something my mom reminded me of this morning. The old Val wouldn't have known I was backsliding or wouldn't have seen that I was starting to make decisions based off of W's opinions again. Baby steps.
Originally Posted By: JustStunned
If the contact you have had is not helping you, then it is no longer better, than the lack of contact. It seems it was worse, and I am truly sorry for that.
Do what is good for you. Do what is healthy for you. Do what works.
No need to apologize JS. The advice was wise then and still wise now. I just need to figure out what that means for me. Right now I feel like I'm a kid in the ocean who is struggling in 4 ft of water. If I can just get my footing, I'll be alright.
Originally Posted By: westcoastfella
I wouldn't mention anything about that to your W unless she mentions it. Even if she does, I wouldn't say anything about your anger. Don't even let on that it bothered you; just let her know you had a fantastic time regardless. Nothing shakes up a WAS more than realizing that their LBS doesn't need them to feel good anymore...and may have actually had a better time without them.
Well said. I won't say anything to her. I may not be able to stop my rollercoaster yet, but I don't show it to her
Great job on not reaching out to your W during your turbulent emotions. Very smart move. I know it was tough, but you did the right thing.
Thank you!
Something closer to NC might be best for the both of you. It lets you live your life instead of hanging onto flimsy hopes every day. I know that you fear that you may lose your W in doing so, but if your W really wants back in, she will learn to pursue persistently after your dynamics have changed enough.
Yes.. I need to remember this!
So I took the presents to the organization yesterday. I listened to Christmas music the whole ride there.
When I arrived - the woman who I coordinated with, looked at the presents... got misty eyed, and hugged me. He!!, she practically jumped into my arms. I felt myself getting emotional and hugged her back.
In the moment I didn't think of w.. I thought of those kids. I smiled from ear to ear and walked out thinking.. that definitely hit "One of the best moments in my life" list.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
