sounds like you said --you have not DBd well or consistently as of late...
ALMOST sounds like a conscious choice. Why make that choice? Are you just losing your grip on it? If so, get it back.
Originally Posted By: workinghardguy
Ok... so this will sound very lame and I apologize... but this whole dim/dark thing and text messaging I have not been good at. I usually respond to a message from my W right away and my brain only kicks in after I've hit send. might not be "easy" but it is NOT complicated. Put a yellow "slow down" light in your mind, when you get the urge to contact her or reply.
So I have this text from my W complaining about S's behavior. I haven't responded. My gut says to not respond at all (though I can't tell you much angst that creates inside of me!), but part of me wonders if I shouldn't respond eventually... like say in an hour or two. I'm not good at this part yet... any suggestions?
if it is about the children, I say answer it. If it is not urgent, WAIT and then answer it.
Usually it's a good idea for parents to have consistent approaches to discipline and to alert each other to new behaviors or acting out. So there is cause to respond at some point. For kid issues, I say answer.
Your first response probably won't be the right one b/c you will try to "Fix it" instead of just listening to her.
She may simply want to vent. LET HER....let her know you heard her. (You are allowed to ask her what she needs from you or how you can best support her.)
It is natural but not always helpful for men to think that "fixing" it is what we want. But usually it's not. In fact it can backfire, and here is why.
Suppose your w says she feels really bad about a mistake at work. Then you say "w, you should not feel bad. That 'mistake' was someone else's fault."
What she might hear, is you saying "You are wrong in your perception so you have nothing to feel badly about and therefore your feelings are in error too, and we will now stop wasting time on it. Let's talk about what I want to discuss = something else."
IN sum, you just shut her up, AND dismissed her bad feelings at the same time.
see how that isn't achieving your real goal or intent, but might be how she hears it?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
