PA - Confirmed - Blinkers are off.

[25yearsmlc]

Regarding "dumb things" we do, and mistakes we make in these circumstances....every positive action you take outweighs by at least ten times each mistake you make. And believe me, positive actions in these situations are about YOU! Do things for YOU!
Nothing you say to them will matter much at all...actions speak louder than anything, so STFU! Make better decisions...that means to drop that load that you have absolutely no control over, and start genuinely taking care of you and your needs. Talking doesn't mean sh!t anymore. You acted your way into this crap, and you have to act (actions) your way out of it. Even if the marriage doesn't survive, this is something you still must do to move forward. You gotta do it if things are ever gonnna work out with the marriage, and you gotta do it if they don't! So it's a win-win situation....DO IT.

This is so very true!! I have found that my H pretty much hears nothing that I say any longer, I have had to repeat myself (at his request) quite a few times. I keep thinking "i already told you this" ----Actions absolutely do speak louder, that goes for us and them.

Peter,

learn to be quiet. You are far more concerned with being "right" than staying married.

When you talked about an "outright lie" I assumed a much bigger deal than her implying or saying she was going to work but instead went to NYC and got a ticket.

In the grand scheme of things, is that such a big deal? The woman is with your 9 y/o d A LOT, per you...she needs a break.

As for the money, retainers get paid somehow and at least she's using her money for it. You seemed to say she wasn't but the truth is she is using ALL her money and then some from the household expenses...like all spouses who don't earn enough must do. Is she supposed to steal it from a bank?

The comment about your parent's contribution for the girls could have been a one line sentence. But only if you think that issue (giving each person credit and scorekeeping) is crucial at THIS TIME in your marriage. Is it really?


One thing the priest who married us said was:

"Of course you should not deceive in your marriage. BUT NEITHER should you give your spouse a reason to deceive by over reacting.

If your h dents the car and you lecture & chew him out, then the next time he gets in a fender bender he might not want to share that with you b/c you are over reacting to his mistake..."

Peter, when you lose that parental voice of yours, your w MIGHT start to hear her own inner voice

but for now, you are drowning that out with condemnation and judgement and basically, you are just too angry.

Do you want to keep the road home, paved and smooth or not?