Doing the "Friends" Route Pt 2...

[Abbey]

A further update, just before leaving, H: Lets see how much time I get with daughter today. He then starts in about how OW got/gets what she wanted, which is to have her H wrapped around her finger, that he spends all his time over at the house, so that OW can run the roads all over the place and use him to be her taxi. OW's eldest daughter mothers, feeds the younger ones, when H isn't available. She's got it made.

Me: Well in the new year, once she tell him about you - You'll be able to go spend time with daughter, OW and the other kids. He said: We'll see. I don't think much will change. I said, really? I would think that she would be motivated to spend as much time with you as possible and the rest of her kids together? H: We'll see. She clearly wants everyone to jump to her song. She got what she wants.... *husband pauses*... looks up at me and smiles: For now. (Same look I get when his brain links to the LEGAL way to get real and proper access to his daughter.)

As I said above, the reality is that unlike some of the other OW/OM sitches here,... my H is addicted to the pull of this parasite. It's not sufficient to simply walk away... and mourn the relationship, or let it die it's own death. (As is the case in the majority of the WASs that do come back home and we all know that there needs to be ZERO interaction with the OP in order for the marriage to heal).

My sitch did that the first time. It wasn't enough. He can't simply say: NEVER contact me again. They share a daughter. He has to SEE her for what she is, a manipulative, toxic person who he gets repulsed by, because she would use his precious daughter to any degree she felt like. He has to be sickened by her, be as completely on guard of her manipulation, repulsed by her, hold contempt for her,... and basically be so irritated by her as to spend most of any interaction that he might actually have to have with her, ... wanting to tell her to drop dead.

My next door neighbor went through something similar with his daughter's mother. It was a young relationship - early 20s. My brother in law same thing with an ex-wife who became a stalker type. You CAN co parent with normally functioning human beings. However, other parents should not interact at all. This is the sitch we fall into. This parasitic vampire is NOT ever going to be able to be a normal parental healthy human being. I can actually see me having to pick up daughter from OW's H, in order to keep sanity for the little girl and for her other children. I can imagine he and I would probably get along quite well.

FWIW, I realize too that saying that a child's parents need to hate each other sounds very self serving. Perhaps so. But I also know people who although are no longer together, will go on camping weekends WITH their children, because they have a healthy adult relationship with each other and their children. They don't phone each other 15 times a day. They don't expect to their respective girlfriend/boyfriend to GET LOST so they can take over their house.

I really wish he had of had a child with the woman I first suspected he was having an affair with. HER and I actually like each other... and would have very little problems having an extended family with all of us in each other's lives. I could see the 3 way and even 4 way (her new b/f) all having car seats and each other on speed dial to co-ordinate kiddlette time.

My H still does lunch with that person from time to time. (I know about it, OW would lose her mind over it.) She had him over for Thanksgiving dinner when we were separated, because I refused to cook him a turkey. (My dim period).

Getting a lawyer isn't simply enough KML,... the pieces all have to be in place in order for him to make that step. To make that step, there are no mulligans, he has to be willing to swing the axe and not feel any remorse for chopping her out at the knees.

Abs