too much time and distance

[any chance?]

G:
I think we need to strive to detach with love, while keeping the way home paved and smooth. But it is very difficult, especially with W's who really do not appear interested in associating with us in any way (at least in my case). In my case, I think I need to move forward with our Separation, so she can check off that box, which will apparently allow her to feel good about her decision and her independence. We shall see how that goes.

W has been gone over 4 months,and there is very little indication of any movement on her part at all. Has not even attempted to look for a job. Seems to be comfortable with the support I provide - it is all financial support at this time, as she seems to have very little interest in getting emotional support from me - seems to want to maintain little or no contact. Not clear if and how often she wants to be in touch with me. But there is no telling how her thoughts will evolve with time.

Very interesting and bizarre change in my W situation. She has been totally dependent on one girlfriend that lives 3 hours away in her new state. This woman has been married twice, and has been living with a third guy for about 6-7 years. Her and my W have spent about 50% of the time my W has been gone together, and this woman has been a huge support system for my W. The woman just broke up with guy #3 and my W helped her move into a new house. These two are totally codependent. The impact of this on our sitch remains to be seen.

To specifically answer your question: we need to take care of ourselves, feel better about ourselves, work out, do GAL activities, and try to detach with love, but we must pay attention as we do so. Our spouses are on their own journey, and depression is a very nasty travel partner. Be there when needed, but try to not be totally consumed. Wish I could say it was easy....it most certainly is not.....