Its up to you when and how often you'll allow this yoyo effect with her. Have you guys tried separating before? If not, tell her that you can no longer do "more of the same thing." Something needs to be different this time. Separation can give you guys some perspective.
Before you jump into it, talk to your lawyer and your counselor first. I suggest you come up with a plan that you believe is fair. She needs to move out to explore this "independence" thing. Work out something on how you both will handle the kids. Have a deadline on when she needs to be out.
I can't stress this enough.... You CANNOT believe what she says... ONLY what she DOES - and even then only about 50% of the time.
Sorry about the light at the end of the tunnel thing. It's hard to see when your swimming in this mess, but once your out of it (and you will be someday one way or the other)... You'll know it was there all along.
When you are happy as an individual, you are in a better position to determine whether a partner enhances your happy life or weighs it down.
