DBing against OW...?????

[imthemom]

meeting with L today to go over what we are going to ask for in meeting on Monday...i guess at the very least I will be prepared but still am trying to figure out what I can do to make it threw that meeting on the 19th...i keep pictureing signing the papers and watching him sign and it makes me sick to my stomach..

yesterday I finally made myself decorate our tree..its been sitting in the corner for days with no one showing any interest in doing it no matter how many times I tried so I finally did it by myself. finding all the old ornaments and going threw all that stuff was painfull to say the least. Ive bought ornaments for stockings every year up till this year and there are a lot of Daddy ones and john deer (my H is from Nebraska and is a farm boy)...i kept thinking, i cant believe that less then a year ago we were doing this together and I really thought we were going to work things out...but according to him he had been miserable for the entire time and just didnt have "the balls to tell me"...
Im not trying to rewrite anything...i know we had our problems and we needed to do a lot of work, but last christmas we were very much together and i saw none of this comeing.

Went out with some friends last night to a 7 card stud tournament..it was fun and nice to get out of the house and meet new people. The first time ive been in situation that other men were there and showed some interest in me...that was nice but def made me realize im so not ready for that..

Wed. Im going to another Divorcecare meeting, Thurs we are going to see the local christmas lights with friends and Friday starts another weekend alone with out boys. Sat night am going to listen to a country band at a local place, looking forward to that!...trying to keep my mind off what is comeing Monday....