Being thankful and praying

[angel61]

CT, I do think you belong here as you are already in that process. The reason why it is so helpful to be part of this community is that we all have commonalities in our sitch, we have similar feelings, and it helps us when we know that a. we are not alone b. others have trodden this path, and we will be able to see what works and what does not from their stories.

I posted in May's thread that I almost feel like we are all holding each others' hand (virtually) in here, leading each other or at least just being there.

OK, now on to my story for the day:

Right now I am here in the city where OW did her post-doc fellowship. I visited the hospital where she went for the course. I know the people there because thats the same place where H and I did our post docs, and had arranged to meet with a couple of my closest friends. My H did the same program as OW just finished; he actually recommended her to this position.

As luck would have it, I ran into OW's and H's ex-boss and mentor, the section head. After exchanging pleasantries, he asked me to say hi to H, then suddenly brought up OW, saying she was leaving that very day (coincidence?). I just smiled and said some more polite replies, saying something like "Oh yeah! I hope she enjoyed her stay here! How is she?" and he replied "she was OK. I think she learned more about flying than the medical stuff she was here for...."

I got the feeling the he was not impressed! And yet H seems to be still so impressed with her, saying that she's the best qualified person to do the job in his research.....

The other doctor OW works for in her home country also says he same thing.... that the interim doctor H hired is better than OW.

Obviously, one can see here that in spite of H's committmnet to me, he is still in denial when in comes to OW. So definitely he is not out of the tunnel.

The process really does take time. I can see H is still struggling, but I know that one of these days, he will realize all this. He has gone this far, and everyday, he learns something new. I always just have to remind yourself that I have to be patient. I have to learn to manage my expectations, and not to overwhelm him at this point with all the questions I have. maybe I even just have to bury those questions and take our M as it comes, trusting that as he gets more and more comfortable, all of those hidden feelings and thoughts will come out.

The difference between before and now is that with the assurance of his commitment, I am more able to step back and not be affected by his negative modds. I just tell myself that he is working on those feelings. In the meantime I am working on mine, because I do have to get back those loving "feelings", which I have put in a box on a shelf for the meantime during the height of the pain in our situation. Even if I have made the decision to love, it still has not really kicked in yet. And I imagine all the more so with H as he still has to let go fully of OW.

Its a process, my friends.