Guess I'm just journaling or kvetching in general here.
I woke up this morning missing W more than usual. Maybe because it's raining and she loves the rain in the desert - I don't know. It has been getting easier, but it still isn't easy. I am spending less time in her head, but I am not out of it completely - getting there, though. It is quite difficult to detach when in your heart you would give anything to have that person back, but I am doing my best to detach. I honestly can't recall talking to W about anything other than our S and matters pertaining to our sitch in months, and I certainly don't initiate much contact. I know it's probably eons away but I am longing for the day that she just asks how I am doing.
She has shown so many signs of growth and moving on - new car, new place of her own, new job. Maybe I'm envious that I currently lack the ability to just cut the cord and be free like that in my own right. Not to make it about me, but in my mind every step she takes to move on is a step to move away from our R for good. I need to stop that thinking, but so far I haven't seen even the faintest sign of her missing our R (son, yes - R, no).
As noted, I am doing much better than I was before I read the books and found this board. Notwithstanding, I still have a long way to go and I need to find the patience to get there. Mach1 probably put it best when he said to view time and space away as a gift you are giving her until she can find her way home. I just hope that she finds her way home eventually.
