You are very right labug, thank you for that. I guess it is not really him, no I know that its not really him. I have a lot of fear that I need to deal with, and a lot of work ahead of me. Old fear, fear of the unknown, and most recently I have been dealing with a health concern and feeling very much alone due to my sitch. I will sit and really think about it some more to really get to it. I want to heal more than anything.
Last night I got a text message from a friend that said "what is up with his facebook status, what is wrong with him" I hadn't seen it at this point but went to look on my phone. It said "with the price of coal and the chances of me being on the naughty list both going up, it may work out after all" She was very disturbed by it. I simply responded "I can't let it rent space in my head" and tried to move on. I still thought about it some, and a few other friends tried to ask me what was going on, but let it be his thing and shrugged it off.
Up early this morning, its tough to sleep with everything going on. I have my doctors appointment this morning which I am looking forward to.
I can't seem to get into the Christmas spirit. Actually he asked me that last night, and said he wasn't feeling it either. I guess under the circumstances, I can see why. Sadly the hardest part is not knowing exactly what the circumstances are. I just know that I haven't talked about more than the weather anywhere other than here in a long time
