Grace, Love, Compassion, and Faith - EVEN BETTER

[JustStunned]

Val, you are right I did post don’t let best get in the way of better. As we strive to improve our situations we often lose sight of the baby steps along the way. We want so much to end this journey in the light that we fixate on the best possible outcome.

The thing is we will not get there without change, and real change, sustainable change happens slowly often in steps, each step being better than the last. To sustain the effort we need to recognize the baby steps as they occur and not discount them as not good enough. They are components of continuous improvement.

If the contact you have had is not helping you, then it is no longer better, than the lack of contact. It seems it was worse, and I am truly sorry for that.

Do what is good for you. Do what is healthy for you. Do what works.

I feel, in my heart, that the only way my w and I would reconcile is if we both get healthy. I cannot control her, but I must keep going forward

Even though it hurts and I'm scared that moving forward means losing my w FOREVER. It has to be.. because I will no longer live in fear therefore holding me back from being the best Val I can be.

So my hope in going home.. besides GALing the Sh!t out of Christmas with my family.... is to figure out who this best Val is now that the dynamic is shifting.

To try to recognize old patterns with my w and myself, and to face my fears, and have faith that God knows what's best for me.

This then is an epiphany and a plan. Execute it, use it to heal, to be stronger. Recognize the small positives and use them as building blocks.

Along life’s journey I have done some masonry. The house I sit in now has a foundation built by my hands. When a block didn’t fit it was chipped, chiseled or sawn to fit and if it could not be or it shattered another took its place. The blocks were the small positives, the foundation was a step, the house was the goal.

((((Val))))