Hey Val, I definetely identified with your fear of moving forward because it may mean losing your w forever ( i think most of us do).
What I am beginning to realize is that the only thing that is worse than moving forward without your spouse is living this nightmare in limbo land.
I know it is frustrating when you feel like you are taking steps in the wrong direction, but I think as long as you are learning a lesson from each step that you take and you don't continue to make the same mistakes over and over again than you are continuing to evolve and before you know it you will be taking fewer and fewer steps backwards.
I hope that you have an amazing time with your family over the holidays!
M:(f) 35 W: 45 3 dogs and 2 cats T: 9 years 9/30/11 I love you, but I'm not in love with you OW confirmed 12/23/11