1. I broke my lease. We still technically have the apt until the end of the month, but we've moved almost everything out.
2. We're considering putting our house on the market (sounds crazy, I know). But given the amount of work we project needs to be done on it in the next few years, and the rate of turnover in our neighborhood right now (less than 30 days), it would be to our benefit to just get a new house.
3. Sister is living with us, despite your valid points. Per husband. He doesn't want to screw her, and he doesn't want me throwing away the money on the rent. He also knows that subletting it is sketchy and could ruin my credit. So he prefers to just have sister with us for the time being. We have put a limit on it though and we have come up with roommate agreements with her.
4. MIL and FIL are starting to be sh!tty again. No real surprises there. I'm not getting involved. Period.
5. I'm not having nightmares anymore, and I'm continuing my IC. H is not doing his as much which is bothersome to me, and I plan to bring it up in MC.
6. H is still not ML with me very regularly. Also bothersome to me. I'm not really sure why. He hasn't said he's not attracted to me. He tells me ILY. So I don't know why there's a lack of bedroom action.
I suppose that's it for now. H said last night he thinks he never really wanted to get D. He said he wasn't sure when the turning point was, but knew that I was getting my sh!t together over the summer, that he missed me, and that he was being straight up stupid. He's buying my dad a new TV and blu-ray for Christmas to say thank you for harboring me and D over the summer. I think my family is a little less prickly about him now that they see how he and D interact together. She loves her daddy so much. They see what a great father he is.
We still have a long way to go to make our marriage really amazing. I want to give D a good example of what it should be like. Not just an average, mediocre example.
Speaking of D, she now pulls up and cruises (I think we're going to completely skip crawling. H skipped it too). She also said "mama" for the first time last week. I love being a parent more than anything in the world. And she's probably the most easy going, happy baby ever.
This has been the most paradoxical year of my life. But in the end, I'm grateful to have had it, despite all the bullsh!t.
I think part of it is I still don't trust it. I don't know. Part of me wonders if he said that just because he knew that was a requirement of mine before I came back home. He used to say it randomly just to let me know. It only seems to happen now when we're about to depart or go to sleep.
While things are a lot better, they're still not 100%.
Dueinmay I think you are looking at his I love you's the wrong way. I have a different more guy like take I think.
You said its not spontaneous, and that you'd much rather it be. I think you feel that it's not genuine unless it's spontaneous. This line of thinking is very troublesome since you expect him to express his love on your terms.
At the same time you seem to be down playing when he does say it. Keep this in mind when he says it at night and before departing, he is not only telling you he loves you, but double checking that you still do.
After all the stress of a long day saying I love you is a simple but effective way of reconnecting. Especially if one of his love languages is words of affirmation. Before departing it may be because he wants the strength of knowing he is loved.
At this point he needs this reassurance, and even if it does not feel genuine to you, it is probably very real to him. If anything next time he does throw him a big hug. Make him feel loved, but understand that it'll take time until he is ready to express it back in exactly the way you want.
be careful dueinMay, while i completely understand it, you seem to be putting many conditions on it. while before, it was wrong that he didnt say it, now that he says it, its wrong that he says it at the wrong times. will it be wrong when he says it at the right times but with the wrong inflection in his voice.
to me, this reflects more on you not being ready to hear it, than him saying it.
but again, you've done an amazing job, you're living what many of us wish we had. and you have every right to feel what you're feeling, just be sure to be painfully honest with yourself first. you should be very proud of what you've done.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
