WHG: When last we heard from our action hero...

[workinghardguy]

So time to start a new thread... the last one hit 100. The last development was that our internet nanny utility logged some of my W's internet activity due to terms she was using. It notified me and like an idiot I had to go look.

I found that she was searching for quotes about "secret lovers", "secret crushes", and "trying not to fall in love". Then searching for sayings about "accepting change", "accepting others for who they are", "accepting friends no matter what", "making others happy", and "sacrificing for friends".

This obviously sent me for a loop. Not surprising, but painful to see. Really wrecked my afternoon, and while yes, I cried over it and had to leave class a few times, I seem to have pulled myself together. In reality what is different? She didn't want our M before and she still doesn't. She's human and a woman... she will be attracted to men and men will hit on her. She's already left the M, as I've said to countless other board posters in their sitches, apparently I have to say it to myself too. We are M in the legal sense only.

I also have to look and see that those quotes speak to being conflicted and torn. Which I suppose is better than searches for "quotes on how to have an affair and keep your husband in the dark" I guess part of me just feels if there is a place for to land then she is less likely to look back.

At the same time... this is my W we are talking about. She's on her second marriage.. there is absolutely no reason to believe that just because she falls for some guy, that it means it's over. It's not over until I say it is... and I'm not ready to give up yet.

In fact, if I'm honest, my DBing has suffered of late. I've gotten comfortable with the day-to-day existence of happy household and getting along with her. Not that I plan to come home and turn the house upside down, but I need to get back to detaching and pulling away.

I realized it even this morning. I had not talked to her since briefly on Sunday night. I got a call this morning from the appliance repair company trying to schedule the repair time. I texted W about it and we texted back and forth. Finally I called her because the texting was driving me mad and bad etiquette when in class. I reached her while she was at the clinic. Apparently she has another urinary tract infection and feels crappy. Immediately that made me feel bad.. because she's sick, because I'm 800 miles away, because she's unhappy. So we agree to cancel the service call and reschedule, which was fine. But then I volunteer to call the company and take care of it. Again, I insisted on saving her from life. Don't worry... T will take care of it!

So maybe this is a blessing in disguise. It has made me realize that my backsliding towards appeasement is getting me nothing. So why bother?

She just texted me to complain that when she picked up S from school he smelled bad (S doesn't like to wipe his butt when he's at school). She told S he couldn't sit shotgun so he got mad and kicked her. I'm ignoring the text and not even responding. I don't exist. I'm not your H since you're not my W. Go find someone else to vent to about the kids or fix the problem yourself. You don't want me in your life... then I won't be. When I call tonight to talk to the kids before bedtime I will address my S about the behavior. But otherwise... she's on her own.