Indecision and the affair continues (Part 2)

[Nblost]

I saw that link had been deleted. I wonder if this site doesn't like us posting to outside sources? I do find that if you google questions you have...it's amazing how much affair-related stuff is out there. (I've also found it validating to read things written for the OW given the frustrations they have from their side around the H being a liar and not leaving his wife)

I am okay. H gets home tomorrow night. I continue to feel very detached. I will admit I'm distracted by my "one night stand" from last week although I swear it's kind of a nice distraction. I just need to remember it would not be healthy for me to go any further into a new "relationship" right now. I think my ego just really needed the boost. (I've told a couple friends about it as well to make sure I don't get into anything shrouded in secrecy)

I feel like a big wave of pain and reality is waiting for H and I in January. To all of our family and most of our friends, we are a happy, loving couple and we are great people. (H particularly thrives on being "such a great guy"). I can't imagine us separating...but I think I'm ready. I can't keep propping up his cake eating. When I say out loud that he's been openly having an A for the last 3 months while I've known about it...it sounds insane. Even more insane when I told a few people this past weekend that he was on a secret vacation with her.

Honestly, this isn't the man I married or want to be married to. Sadly, I think we could be happy again if he was willing to try. But, none of us deserve to be second choices...

Anyway, it's amazing how quickly one's life can derail...although, I still say that in a way, I'm glad this happened. I see some of the lifeless couples around me and I'm not sure I'd trade my life for theirs (okay, maybe I would through the holidays)

Take care everyone...