Carefully moving forward from H's mlc - ctflor

[angel61]

CTflor,

Its really hard to let go... but it starts with forgiveness. Here are some of my thoughts that helped me let OW go:

1. When I thought about OW and H initially, I would get so angry that I would start thinking of revenge - finding ways to get back, etc. Then I started realizing that if I did so, that would result in two things:
a. H would hate me for it, it would reinforce his belief that I was bad
b. I would do things against my own values and belief in God

So I decided that I will let go, and God will take care of it for me. He did say that He will take care of punishing sinners, right (I can't remember the exact scripture). In a way I thought about it as being a "win-win" situation.

2. I realized that thinking and letting OW dominate my mind was like drinking poison.... poison for our R. What worked so hard for. I might as well give H to OW if thats the case, on a silver platter. I didn't want to do that.....

And of course, being Catholic, I believe in my vows, in the sacramental nature of marriage, and it helps me stop thinking in ways that could sabotage it.

You have all the right thoughts, Ctflor. I myself really fully realized exactly why OW is a symtpom of dysfunctional M's. Read my post in piecing, CT. Go there, read about how a lot of us are struggling with letting go of OW. Piecing is really hard, but don't give up, you are so close. It is normal to get those memories flooding back, but those calm times will get longer, and longer, and slowly, a semblance of normaly will come back. I think you are doing well, keep it up.

Stop looking at her facebook, by the way. Although I have to admit, for me I did look but it has come to a point that even if I do, I no longer feel pain, just a little low elevl anger once in a while.