DBing against OW...?????

[mishka422]

(((ITM)))

I wish I could give you a real hug, but the virtual kind will have to do.

You said what you needed to say. Don't beat yourself up about it. That is one thing about DB that has always confused me. What, we're supposed to just suck it up and never tell then how their actions have hurt us and our children? That can't be right. It's certainly not healthy for us. Trust me, I have a lot bottled up that I've never spoken outloud and it nearly destroys me, but speaking frankly to the person who vowed to love and protect and honor us for the rest of our lives should be the very one deserving of hearing it all....ugly or not.

You asked me how I handled the actual D. We met at my L's office, he refused to sign because of the financial figures on the page that no longer fit his sitution (long long story)and my L told him that if he refused to sign we had no problem going to court where she would promptly put his ow on the stand to testify to the 4 other marriages of police officers in our county that she had direct knowledge of that the ow had been involved in the demise of. His face went ashen (considering he's dark skinned that was amazing) and he promptly signed everything. I sat there trembling but never showing him how much pain I was in. We walked outside afterward and he said he would 'always be there for me and Marc', I turned away, got in my car and shook all the way back to my office. I cried uncontrollably all night and into the next day but when it really hit me was when I had to pick up the papers from my L with the court stamp and judges signature on them. That wrecked me for another week.

There is nothing pretty about any of it, there is no way to get through this without a lot of pain but you can get through it with dignity.

You already spilled all your pain to him. Now, the key is to let it rest. He will do whatever he's going to do. He either will or won't be a real father. None of that is your problem. What is your responsibility is to make sure your children feel your love and support at all times and that you don't allow your pain to show to them. They don't need to feel like they need to take care of you on top of dealing with their own pain.