Journaling The run up began at this time last year. In a few days will be the anniversary of her decision day. As Christmas approaches the drama is growing. Not to me directly. To our kids, to the SILs, to the nieces and nephews.
My SILs ask me to be present. I do not force my presence. I respect their feelings. To include me is their decision. I am happy to visit my friends, my family, it shows. Yet they are told what to think, how to act, as if they are betraying.
I hear snippets about the sniping that occurs
There was an empty place setting at Thanksgiving for STBX, for I was present.
Our daughter walks on Sunday, two degrees, National Honor Society, and STBX has said she will not go, for I am welcomed there.
Christmas Eve dinner she will not attend, for I am helping cook as I have done. As I have been asked to do.
She will not see one SIL, one Niece, tired of the drama they fired back, they have made her cry.
I am the cause of none of this. They tell me they know. I cannot fix this. They tell me they know.
I do not know this person. I wonder if, I wonder when the persona will shatter and she can begin to heal.
It seems as if she needs the drama she is making, as if she needs to be angry, to hate. I remember a time when she was clinically depressed. She said she felt nothing as though she were dead inside. Perhaps she needs this intensity to feel alive.
I find it odd that I don’t feel. Most of the time it is as if I am watching a poorly written play about a character I cannot identify with. Odd b/c I have loved so intensely this person for thirty years.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
