I didn't do it to get W to notice me. I figured that she would notice but I didn't expect her to reach out to me at all. Up until a month ago, my w and I didn't talk and it surely wasn't pleasant conversation.

I did it for both the kids and myself. My wife and I adopted a family for Christmas last year. and my parents always supported families every year. I love giving. It's very easy to put myself last.

When I began my internal struggle on how to do this year without backsliding in my own growth or putting myself through so much pain.. the party is what I came up with.

I tried very hard to stay focused on those kids... I still am trying to stay focused on them.....

..... conquering my own sickness is not easy. I wish I didn't idolize my w and that I didn't wrap all my hopes, dreams, expectations, and self worth into one person.

But I did.. and now I have to break it. Did I grow stronger yesterday when I decided to not give her power by contacting her.. yes... was I strong enough to not let it affect me at all.. no.

I know I will get there. Thank you for the 2x4 and for asking the hard questions.

M(f): 40
D'ed: 8/12

Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.

Love at all costs because you are loved well.