I have not posted for a while (nearly four months), but a lot has transpired. I have been following along on other folks' situations as their WAW situations seem to be so similar to mine.
While I have read DR and DB books, I can honestly say I have not done a very good job of following this and I thought maybe it would help to be back posting on this forum instead of just guessing what the correct approach is, since I have looked back on many approaches and realized that I just made the situation worse.
Just to let you all know where I currently stand: W moved out on 8/13, said she wanted it to be a quick process, but here I am in December and nothing has been filed, though both of us have retained attorneys. I found out about and EA between W and OM and going against DB techniques, I confronted W about it in a somewhat angry fashion. I tried DB'ing from then on out just GAL'ing, but because of my constant need for attention, could not stop pressuring her to talk to me or to meet up to discuss something (which really was just an excuse to see her to get her to notice my changes). This all back-fired and usually left each of these situations feeling like I smothered her and asking too many questions about R. I even exposed the EA to her parents in hopes that they would see that I am not purely at fault, but of course you can guess how that went.
The latest is that I thought I would do a 180 by going from smothering her with calling "just to talk about things" to sending her an e-mail basically saying that I don't think it makes sense for us to talk anymore and that we should let the attorneys handle everything from here on out. This was in advance of "going dark", but I realize that I should not have told her that I would be going dark before I did it.
I feel like I'm in this constant battle of doing something out of instinct and then later regretting it, so I think it is probably best if I actively post before I do things because I am really not good at this stuff.
I know that my W is still struggling with this decision but she feels that she has no choice but to move forward. I am not sure if OM is still in the picture, but I have no way of finding out (and don't want to stalk/snoop/etc.). I suppose I'll act as if OM is still involved.
The truth is that I still would like to continue "going dark", but to create mystery and not because I am trying to be vindictive, which is how I left it with the e-mail and then no communication. Is this even possible at this point? I look back and see a lot of places where I could have listened and improved things, but ignored it in place of my anger at the entire situation.
I am upset because I'm not sure where things would be at if I just knew how to do this effectively. Any ideas for how I proceed from here? As of now, she probably thinks I'm not talking to her to be vindictive, and if I continue going dark, I fear that her resentment will grow instead of make her want to contact me.
Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you for your help. I've been following a lot of situations closely and trying to take lessons from them, but it is very hard.
