Abbs, not meaning to hijack. Just wanted to let you know I checked out my paranoid delusion. No evidence. None, zippo, zilch, couldn't find a thing! Can you hear the Mission Impossible music? I shoulda been a spy! LOL
Made me super behind today taking that time, but well worth it!
I'll be back to your sitch asap. Hang in there! Cast some spells!
<<HUGS>>>
M 55 H 58 M 24 T 29 S 22,21, 19 Bomb 4/10 It (A) really isn't about you 11/2013 We all have work to do
The truth will set you free, but it will almost kill you first.
MZ, not to continue the hijacking, but that's great news!!!
Abbey, just saw your other posting about staying strong...that applies to all of us. Hang in there and I really believe we all deserve and need these men to come back to us on our terms.
I'm really feeling "dim" with H...we haven't talked since maybe Wednesday of last week? Just a few texts with me not asking a single question about his vacation with OW.
Now you've been doubly hijacked! :-)
M 44, H 46 D11, D9, D5 Married 12 years PA confirmed 9/2011 I filed 3/2012 H moved out 7/2012
Good day for me yesterday, had a great time with my new friends and a good get together.
At the break in the meeting, H and I exchanged a call, and he kept talking and talking and talking
One of the things he very proud of is the "food" he brings with him for her snack for his time with her. Instead of some fried crap from Mickey's, she is getting cheese, some smaller fruits like raspberries, (which I introduced her to) and unsweetened applesauce and the big kicker: real meat. (He went in and bought a ready made roasted chicken at the grocery store)... and she loved that.
He was pretty proud of showing up OW about her getting a good meal... AND expressing that to her. (He made this smug smirk that he makes) when he tells me again later when I got home.
We cuddled in each other's arms most of the night, both slept in this morning.
He really wants time ALONE with his daughter. He should get that today.
Something weird he said to me before his walk last night... He tells me, I love you. Me: I love you too. H: You must, to put up with my crazy moods.
HUH?
Are his crazy moods what he's calling his... fog,... his chasing his tail, his inability to get sucked in by OW?
I didn't push it. I just smiled and told him to enjoy his walk.
Abs
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
Oopps... ability to get sucked in by OW. Damn editor, or lack of one
Something else I forgot to mention, he didn't take OW out to eat. They ate the roast chicken in the car.
I do have a concern for Christmas. He wonders how he's going to see his daughter, and her comment: You will see her either Christmas eve or Christmas day. Where are they going to go. Her husband doesn't know until after the holidays.
Ten bucks says she's already plotting to come here, last minute and expect me to leave. Don't know how I"ll handle that just yet, have to think about it. She wants to live in this house soooooooo f'g badly.
(To explain, it's a very unique custom built home that my H and I designed). We've had people ask to have pictures for their weddings on our front lawn etc. To her it represents prestige, ownership of H, ousting me, money, power, queen of the "manor". You name it.
Abs
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
There was NO way ow was getting my house! I know I said I offered to move out and into the cottage, but that was BEFORE I knew his bahaviour was due to the A. Just my 2 cents.
Hey girls, seems like we are all feeling a bit stronger. Eh?
M 55 H 58 M 24 T 29 S 22,21, 19 Bomb 4/10 It (A) really isn't about you 11/2013 We all have work to do
The truth will set you free, but it will almost kill you first.
Well, that's my feeling as well. They went to another house on Saturday night, ... they can go there to open presents. That... er... that... parasite will NOT get in my house either.
He has to go "help" her do some other drama tonight. I just went and bought a tbone steak.
Out for now. Abs
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
Tbone steak was yummy. I have King Crab (on special last week) for the next drama du jour that he has to go fix for her.
Funny, he comes home last night grumping about only getting "supervised visits" with his daughter. I keep telling saying that.
It's very clear to me (not him) that she wants to control every aspect of his life already. (Guess my invasion worked better than I thought it would.) She has to have him do EVERYTHING the way she wants. She NOW wants to have him busy with "HER" stuff morning, noon and night.
He wants time with his daughter. ALONE.
Something I think I forgot to mention about our talk... I told him that he should move in with her. Her comment: I would be happy for maybe a month or two... then I would be miserable. That's one of the times he reiterated that if it were not for the baby, he would want to be with me, and we wouldn't be "here". That it would be *just* us and he wouldn't give her another thought.
Lord, give me strength. Abbey
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
KML, you can ask the question as many forms as you like, the answer though isn't going to change. As we've all experienced here, their brains are MUSH. The only way to get them there is to have it think it's THEIR idea. Me pushing, family pushing, anyone else pushing is NOT going to amount to a hill of beans and is quite counter productive.
Believe me, nobody does more hair pulling of my own head than I, wondering why the obvious isn't so damn obvious to him. (your question). Unfortunately I know it's a process of step by step of him getting PO'ed and frustrated that he's not getting ALONE time that will get him there. It's by built up resentment, anger, frustration, irritation, OF the OW, because his best laid plans aren't coming to fruition, that he'll finally grow his brain back.
Another example: He had to go running all over bloody town last night. He came home, frustrated, exhausted and cranky. Why?... his comments: Rush hour, grumble, grumble, don't want to do that again, am not going to do that again, grumble grumble,... I'm only getting "supervised visits" grumble, grumble. Plunks himself down on the couch,... I want to be with my daughter, not her taxi... grumble grumble.
This morning, she's going to get off early she said. H: I MIGHT actually get some alone time with daughter, grumble grumble, but who knows. More chaperonning. Grumble, grumble. (And yes, I realize that his grumbling as much as I'd like it to be so, isn't enough for him to stand up to her and grow back his balls.)
Me: I packed him a little snack lunch for daughter. I bought some new fruits for her to try. (Blueberries along with the raspberries). He was hoping that I could drop by with him today and go look at some lights with daughter. My comment: You go take some time with your daughter. It's the only alone time you're getting. Take it when you can get it.
The crazy B, is running him ragged. Using the child as a carrot/stick and keeping him off center by not saying exactly when she'll meet up with him, she's late to maintain control, etc etc etc.
I'm the sanity. Right now, I've ceased criticizing the OW, instead I validate his words, mirror them, and ignore anything positive he has to say about OW. My T says that's what worked the last time and is an effective method to repel the hurtful things. Listen, validate the stuff you want him to remember, get into his brain, and don't engage in the positive crap he has to say about her. Other than if he says: I told her to do this or that. Then I validate his actions in it by saying things like: That's wise. That's a good idea. That's it.
KML, Let me reiterate something that deserves saying... In order for ME, H, and his daughter to ever have a chance at being a sane healthy family unit. HE has to hate her, and see her for what she truly is. That is a process. And since the reason I'm here NOW is because that end result didn't happen the first time.... in order for us to ever have any chance to become a new happy couple... he HAS to regard her with the contempt that she deserves. UNTIL that happens, I'm only whistling past the grave yard. The OW will be able to have a pull on him to which he'll always be susceptible. UNTIL that happens he will feel compelled to rescue her, help her, have her invade his life like the bad toxic virus she is.
Might he never break free? Possible. Unlikely from the odds of what kinds of personalities are involved. But her own H, even though he's separated from her, is still pulled into her manipulation.
Abs
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
Gosh Abbs! What on earth does this ow have??!! Honestly, what do you think it is? Two men with rings in their noses?
We've written and read all about her personality disorders, but those things tend to wear people out.
I had an old narcissistic friend get in touch with me last week. Fun at first, but now I'm avoiding the phone calls. NOW I remember why we never hang out for long.
M 55 H 58 M 24 T 29 S 22,21, 19 Bomb 4/10 It (A) really isn't about you 11/2013 We all have work to do
The truth will set you free, but it will almost kill you first.
