Your H has made some good realizations. For yourself, while your H is coming to understand that happiness isn't dependent on others, keep working on the corollary, that we needn't be affected by the unhappiness, anger, withdrawal, etc, of others. It's such a relief when you reach this point, and can watch your H express any negative emotion without getting sucked in, as women tend to do.
In terms of your "new" M, you'll want it to be one in which either of you can express your concerns without feeling the other will judge/dismiss/criticize/etc them. There's no time like the present to work on those skills!
