What do I do next? Part 3

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I think she gets some sort of perverse pleasure in seeing me unhappy.

Why do you say that? Is she doing things that seem mean and spiteful with no other purpose than to make you feel badly?

I read a book called "Mindful Loving" that says you can basically boil all human interactions down to two things: (1) operating from a place of love, or (2) operating from a place of fear.

Anger, jealousy, spite, and being mean are fear-based. The book recommends that if you feel you are being mistreated, try to shift your perspective, and rather than seeing the other person's actions as motivated by malice, see them as coming from a place of fear. If you can understand that fear and where it's coming from, you can act to remove it or at least not make it worse. More importantly, you will view their actions with sympathy and pity instead of anger and insult.

She's lashing out at you not because she's evil, but because she's afraid of something -- afraid of what you might do to her in the divorce, afraid of facing the person she is becoming, afraid of facing the consequences of what she's done. Maybe she's afraid that OM will leave her -- if she's not secure in that relationship, if OM is not making her feel good about herself, she may be taking out that fear of being unworthy on you.

Luvhurts, I feel for you. I've followed your situation from the beginning and have tried to help, but it's hard not knowing you personally and not being able to talk to you directly. That is why I found the DB coach so helpful for me. If nothing else, she really helped me feel better about myself through this crisis.

If your W is truly crazy and has gone off the deep end, there is nothing you can do about that. All you can do is apply time and patience, be the best person you can be and hope she comes around.

If she is hell-bent on divorce, is involved with OM and is acting with malice, you do need to protect yourself. Hopefully you are confident in your choice of lawyer and he has you covered.

Forgetting about W for a while, what are you doing for yourself? Have you figured out any GAL activities? I know you are spending quality time with your kids and that is giving you some enjoyment, but when they are not around, what are you doing with yourself? As I mentioned previously, I bought an inexpensive road bike on Craigslist and racked up tons of miles, and picked up an inexpensive electric guitar and taught myself to play. Both of those were things I felt really good about that I could do on my schedule and didn't require me to commute or spend money on an ongoing basis. They were both also very inexpensive one-time investments, and if I sell them I'll probably get back what I paid. What are you doing for you?

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