WE PROCEEDED ON

[2thepoint]

Hey Gunny. I read your post and I feel compelled to respond and hope you'll consider what I am about to write.

As you know, I've been following your sitch for some time now and have posted several comments on your various threads as have you on mine. What strikes me about this latest post of yours is that you seem to have come to an awareness about yourself that may not have been evident before, at least to me.

You seem to be resolved that your M to your W is over and that there is likely no turning back. The fact that your W moved several hundred miles away makes the finality of it all seem so much more certain. And for this I am truly sorry.

Your latest post contains some pretty tough realizations on your part that in the context of your sitch, really helps to brings your troubles into sharp focus.

Considering where you find yourself today, have you given any thought to writing down all that you have learned over the course of your journey and share it with your W as a sort of final apology/forgiveness type letter? I'm thinking of this in terms of the letter that Dr. James Dobson writes about in his book, Love Must Be Tough.

In his book, the letter is intended to free the offending spouse to pursue whatever they feel like they need in life while at the same time freeing the offended spouse of the guilt and remorse of the failed marriage.

I don't think this is necessarily a DB technique but considering your circumstances, maybe a carefully worded letter where you lay out on the table all of your past transgressions, your regrets, your new awareness, things that you are doing or have done to change and what I think we talked about a week or so ago, the idea that you would be willing to make a move to live near your W if a R were possible. All those things, spelled out in great detail, may at least give you the peace of knowing that you have truly done everything possible to save your M.

At least on paper your W would then have it all before her, and maybe, just maybe she will consider what she is leaving behind and think about what you two could continue to share if she were to reconsider her decision.

I'm not suggesting a letter that comes across as a plea for one last chance. Instead, just a heartfelt letter containing all the honesty that you have shared on this forum over the past few months.

This may not be something you want to even consider and others on this forum may completely disagree with my idea. That's ok. I just think that your situation is unique enough and has progressed to a point where something like this as a last resort type effort may be helpful.

Think about it. Perhaps share the idea with your DB coach or IC. But know that whatever path you take, we will continue to be here to support you.

Wishing you all the best!