DBing against OW...?????

[mishka422]

((((ITM))))))

I can totally feel your pain. It does seem to us that their lives are just perfection without us doesn't it? They get to live their lives without being responsible for anyone else anymore, it's all freedom and fun right?

WRONG!

That may be the case for some, don't get me wrong, but for most they are having some guilt issues and second guessing their decisions but their pride may keep them from admitting it.

This was the case for my xh. To me it seemed like he had it made. He left me to care for my terminally ill mother and our autistic son alone and didn't care if our son came to stay with him on "his weekend" or not. I can count on one hand the number of times he actually stayed with his dad. He had zero responsibility and was spending all his time with his ow who I was sure must 'swing from the ceiling fan' during sex for him to have left us for it.

We can't see their view. From his view he realized quickly that he had made a huge mistake but he couldn't see coming back with his tail between his legs and begging forgiveness. Also, he thought he was 'in love' with his ow and couldn't bear to give up that feeling. What he forgot was that he had that same feeling with me but over time that faded to the comfortable warm kind of love which he decided wasn't good enough. He needed excitement and instead of trying to rekindle that with me, he looked for it elsewhere because that was easier.

It took a lot of trauma to both of us and a complete breakdown of his R with ow for him to figure out that what he had with me and our son was real and permanent and was worth trying to put together again.

He has voiced on more than one occassion that he screwed up. We haven't figured out where this new R we have is going, if anywhere, but we are trying it together at long last.

So, in short, don't 'assume' his life is rosy. He may be having a lot of black thoughts about what his life has come to. That has nothing to do with you, but has everything to do with his own decisions. Owning up to those decisions and figuring out what is best for himself is the problem. He has to pull his head out of the sand.