It's possible that the grandkids remind him of the family he left behind or maybe that he's aging. He's obviously trying to run from that given the ow is so much younger. Snodderly has said that MLCers can try to go back to a time before kids or grandkids.
In the earlier days of H and ow's R, he tried to shove her down the kids' throats. He could not understand through his own selfishness why they refused to meet her. He figured everyone should be as 'happy' as he was. He told the kids that he knew they would like her if they would just meet her. ow was all eager to meet them too. That's when I knew she was as wacko as he is. What person in their right mind would think that a person who left a M in the manner in which he did that his children, at their ages, would just accept them with open arms?
As you know, our youngest D did finally meet ow. It did not go well and I don't think the vacation was very pleasant for ow. Oh well, H has stopped pushing trying to 'blend' his 'families'. It's obvious that ow's children and grands take precedence over his own.
H took D13 out for a movie and lunch on Sat. Afterwards they did a little shopping. D needed a white blouse for her Christmas concert this coming week. H asked kiddingly why he had to buy it for her. D said kiddingly back to him, "You don't come to my concerts, so you get to buy my blouse." Pretty sad statement if you ask me.
I guess my point is that H did finally stop pushing for the kids to accept ow. Now, the kids just don't ask for H's presence at their events anymore. They know he wouldn't come anyway.
(((Hugs))) my friend, hang in there. You'll never understand it, but you do come to accept it.
Punkin, Congratulations on the new grandchild! As for your xh being there....I understand where you are coming from...but for now, let it be. There's nothing you can do to change what has happened and continues to happen.
I will be thinking of you and your family today!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Time to begin a new post. I know Auld Land Syne is hardly original, but it speaks volumes. Should old acquaintance be forgot . . . . In some of our cases, is it time to try harder to 'put the past behind us' in regard to our broken relationships and wayward spouses? I am moving up on 2 years from Bomb Date, and it has surely been the hardest 2 years of my life. The prevailing and wisest opinion is that we, as LBS, cannot fix our X's. Their MLC is THEIR MLC. Not ours. If we find ourselves divorced or facing divorce, it's time to re examine our stand and perhaps fade into the background, at least as far as their lives are concerned. This doesn't mean we have given up on them as persons, but that the R we had is dead and gone. Allow yourself to grieve. Then go on living. THAT, my friends is the conundrum we find ourselves in. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU, as the song says. Yet we have, and do. We forge new lives out of the ashes of our marriages. For our children, for our families, for ourselves, hopefully.
My hope, beginning this Christmas, not the New Year, is that next Christmas finds me a more joyful person. That I lose some of the baggage I've been carrying around for the last 2 years. TO GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION TO FORGIVE MYSELF, AS WELL AS X.
I hope the same for all my friends here on the Board, as well.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I know you know that there is nothing you can do to wake your xh up. I also know that that fact is often hard to get your mind around, particulary at times like the birth of a grandchild.
I always say, you feel what you feel. There is no right or wrong way. They are your feelings. They are valid, they matter.
And so, you will work your way through this. And you will come to realize yet again that while you know he is in an MLC, you cannot possibly understand it as you are not in one.
Two years is not a long time considering how long you were married, and that you shared children and grandchildren together.
And you must go easy on yourself. The holidays are particularly difficult.
With each passing year, and each passing life event, the hurt will lessen. Sometimes never going away completely, but, dulling all the same.
