Doing the "Friends" Route Pt 2...

[Abbey]

MZ, your question about her being in our lives. Nope... that's a deal breaker for me. She will NEVER respect boundaries, and because of his inability to hold her at bay, I'm asking to have my heart broken over and over again.

What didn't get spoken about until last night, was that she was admitted to a mental hospital once already. (I seem to remember him saying it once before, but it was really early on in our first attempt at a reconcile.)

Am I strong? Or just stupid?

I know I love him. I'm almost certain after last night that if I let this play out... he'll back again... but I don't know if my heart can take this. I'm going to have to completely shut off in order to make it through this.

Another thing I said last night: It's going to get worse before it gets better. H: I know,... but I have to get closer to her to get closer to my daughter.

One of the things that really bothers me is the safety of my critters. A friend suggested that I not tell him where I'm going on any given day but when he says: I'm going to her house, THEN I leave... don't announce I'm gone, just simply go do my GAL when he tells me his plans... that until I can secure my critters safety. I don't trust that nut job. ME, I can take care of myself. My critters... anything happened to them, I would go murderous, I know that.

Stupidly enough,... even though I want to be done... need to be done... WISH I could be done. Nothing has freakin' changed. The same road map I assumed needed to be done in order for him to finally be ready to actually HATE her and not have her in his life at all... is all still laid out at our feet. He sees it through the clouds, then gets scared and retreats.

Watching them go play house (as much as I know that's part of what the doctor ordered for him to see how absolutely NUTS she is)... is going to be extremely difficult to do.

Beginners mind nothing... NUMB yes.

Abbey