Beginning now...

[job]

IB,
There is no way that we can ever truly understand the workings of the mlc mind. They are truly lost souls who are attempting to find the illusive happiness that they think external pleasures will bring. Most of the time, they are trying to prove to the world and themselves that they did the right thing. Your xh is not different from the other mlcing nuts.

Please do not question yourself about what you shared w/him....he truly is on another planet and another time called the teenage years of rebelling.

Trust me.....he may appear to be happy right now, but his world will come crashing down eventually.

[irishblessings]

Snodderly - I was hoping for your response:) Sometimes I find myself trying to overlay the "phases" of MLC but nothing truly aligns. I walked around a store today and felt so disconnected. I feel like my grieving process is so slow. I move in and out of phases and I don't seem to have a handle over these feelings.

Anyway - thanks again / your response was helpful.

[NorthStar]

IB - i know it's probably a bit cliche, I want to reach out to say to you it DOES get better. I promise. And I know it's tough and it hurts it feels like those terrible disconnection moments are never going to end. But they will ... they do.
I can barely think about the mess I was in when my journey began. All too dark and too painful.
Keep writing here. I've been following your thread from the beginning and I want to encourage you as there are posts you make of real joy and real progress.
But it is a roller coaster. Expect that and accept it; name it and work through it.
And IB, I think you have more of a handle on those feelings than you realize.
Well done for coping with such dignity and grace. You're amazing.

Northstar

[warriorshadow]

IB,

I also think that you are truly amazing. I can't add anything that

hasn't been already said here. But, I want you to know that you are

not alone through this. I could post more on how similar it is with

my XW even as recent as an hour ago. I think we start to get a

little bit more on the OK side of things and then we get sucked

right back in the craziness. Each time though we learn a little

bit more and can handle it just a little better the next time

while knowing there will be a next time because this would not

be MLC if there wasn't a next time at this stage. These MLC

folks are going to cycle through all the stages back and forth,

left and right and we will go nuts ourselves if we try to plot

the course. When you think of what a mess that must be to them

I would take being a LBS any day of the week. Am I still

standing? I doubt it but my kids mean everything to me so it is

not going to be easy as long as the roller coaster keeps

operating and the man still lets me board the ride when I decide

to ride the ride. Why do I decide to ride? I think it is the

anger and hurt that I am still processing so I am assuming that

this is probably normal for what we have been through.

WS

[irishblessings]

Thank you NS and WS! I don't know why exactly I am spiraling but the fact is I am. I want this over - I am NOT a better person as a result of going through this. Maybe others do become better - but I was at my best when my family was in tact. The question then is where do I go from here?

[AntoniaB]

IB if it makes you feel more "normal" for an LBSer, I feel myself slipping too, and I think it has EVERYTHING to do with the holidays...my wedding anniversary is 12/21, then Christmas, then New Years....It's just a lot at once and all I've thought about lately is being alone again while XH is running around with the new missus.

The only reason I hold it together to the level that I do is my book. It is a huge distraction from it all. It's not like I don't process the grief and loss and all, I think I do. But I do think it provides some sort of buffer for me, in that when I start to get depressed I will throw myself into the project with vigor, and it's the type of project that REQUIRES me to work alone, and so I don't feel weird spending hours doing it because it's something "productive", and it takes me out of my "life" for x number of hours.

But don't think I've not already started to consider what is going to happen when I finish it. I'm getting close, and I've already been wracking my brain trying to come up with another book to write. The void scares me. This book "is" my significant other, so to speak.

I think you often sound like you feel "behind" others of us here, and you and I are on identical timelines for the bomb/separation. But what you see with me on the surface is someone who really knows how to distract herself, and really, I'm probably more where you "are" than you realize.

I want it to be over too, and it just isn't going to be. Not for years. You are a better person. You can't see it but the people around you can, including all of us.

There are many days I don't know where I go from here either. Many days I truly believe I will never be able to trust anyone ever again and I'll never be vulnerable enough to be in a relationship. Or I'll be in one but I'll keep a wall up. Then I start to contemplate how lonely it will be to spend the rest of my life single.

This is part of it but it's also pointless because it's worrying too much over the future. You don't ever have to make any "grand decision" about where to go from here at any point. You just have to keep getting up every day and doing your best with what's happened. Try to focus on that and not some "bigger" picture.

[warriorshadow]

I am not buying it IB!

If this was easy, anybody could do it! You have found yourself

here and that already separates you from the ordinaries in this

world. We all get tired of working through this but you do

have the best of the best here to help you through. You have been

through much already (I know cause I read your posts). We are so

blessed to have Snodderly, Mach, Eric, PEI, and so many more.

There have been many times I have wanted all of this over so

I truly know where you are coming from.

Your question of where do I go from here?

This is not a step by step thing IMHO.

You are hopefully facing some of these difficult times and

learning from them. That will make you a better person in the

long run. You may not see it in the mirror but the people who

are watching, like most who are reading your posts, can tell

that you are becoming stronger but we all slip once in a while.

I know you know most of this already. You are strong enough to

make it through a rough patch here and there.

WS

[warriorshadow]

Damnitanyway...,

Antonia can type faster than me.

WS

[irishblessings]

You all make me smile! And not for a minute do I forget the friends and support of this site. Truly a lifeline.

I am certain it is the holidays that is submerging me to the abyss.

I have to find a way out. Maybe I'll make a wreath:)

[braveheart]

IB,
There is no way that we can ever truly understand the workings of the mlc mind. They are truly lost souls who are attempting to find the illusive happiness that they think external pleasures will bring. Most of the time, they are trying to prove to the world and themselves that they did the right thing. Your xh is not different from the other mlcing nuts.

Please do not question yourself about what you shared w/him....he truly is on another planet and another time called the teenage years of rebelling.

Trust me.....he may appear to be happy right now, but his world will come crashing down eventually.

Snodderly, I agree 100% with the 1st part of your statement, they do spend their time trying to prove and justify they are "right" in what they have done. As far as the world crashing down on them....... I haven't seen much of that, but maybe others have.