New Here; Husband left

[Coyote]

"...after I posted last I backslid again..i lashed out at him by saying if he didnt want to pay he could sign his rights away and i would do it myself. That really pissed him off and he called me a bitch. I appologized and said i didnt mean that."

3 steps forward, 2 steps back, but at least it's one step at a time. That's how most of us did it/do it. Expect the backslides. When they happen take note, learn and move on. Sounds like you're getting a little better though.

"I have been keeping busy. Today I went to church, then to the store, then to our friends house to watch the game( Go Packers!)"

That's the spirit! Yes, things will still get you down. Expect that. However, as time goes on the downs will have less and less impact (it's already happening.) Eventually, more and more you might even find youself thinking/saying, 'Ya, seen this before, whatever...' or 'I know what to do.'

"How much time passed before things started to turn around? I have a hard time w/ patience. I miss our old life together."

Accuray and Mishka said some very good things on your last thread just before it closed. Review what they said on this. I can add a little to this.

From what I've seen and learned, probably about a year or 2 at least before you can start to feel you're in the clear with H. You'll be getting better 'long' before that though. I know this is hard. My heart goes out to you.

I've said this before and I will say it again, H has to work through this and H will take as long as H takes. Unfortunately H is not coming around any time soon. However, you can help it along though, again, see above and below even. Note: don't miss the 'little' improvements here and there. Take note, file it away, then go watch a Packers game.

"I want to know what it is... "

I know it's hard not to but resist pressuring him for info on this. Actually, a part of him would be expecting this/liking that. The part that wants to push your buttons. Don't feed that, you'll be sorry.

Things will come out on its own. Always does. Note: I said 'things' and not just one thing. Again, his mind is cycling between a number of thoughts. The reasons can even change hourly. You don't want to crawl into his mind right now or in the near future. Go watch a Packers game instead.

"It was so sudden. It was few months of strange behavior and then I'm done."

I had the same thing actually. A number of others did too. This was when the ILYBNILWY bomb was actually dropped by my WAS. One minute I'm eating sushi with W, enjoying life, birthday coming up, then 5 minutes later I'm supposed to move out because W needs to find herself. Ya, it helped coming here and finding out I wasn't the only one!

"Should I complement him to "build him up", which he responds well to, ignore him, be indifferent, cold, I'm not sure. Where do I go from here??"

Sure, it works, why not? Every once and a while, give some words of encouragement. Space it out a bit though. Maybe every couple of days. Too much and this could be seen as clingyness by H. We talked about this. We know he responds to words, so words it is. Watch and take note. (As we talked about also, keep working through the DB books, Divorce Busting and Divorce Remedy.)

In between, talk about the weather, the Packers, things that need tending to, things that are non threatening. I wouldn't give the cold shoulder though. Avoid this unless he's in a real snit. At that, you already know what to say/do for this type of thing.

Sure, even skip a day or 3 without contacting him here and there. Let him chase you a bit. Be mysterious even, can get H thinking/curious,
H, 'So, you haven't talked to me lately, what have you been up to?'
You, 'Thanks for your concern. I've been keeping busy. Lot's to do.'
H, 'Where have you been?!'
You, 'I've been out'

Note: don't point a finger at H for being the cause of it all, generalize on this. Adjust as you see fit.

Let us know how this goes.