Newbie: Is this MLC and how do I GAL?

[JustStunned]

SD, what are you doing for GAL? What are your 180s? What are you doing to detach? What are you reading? What can you do for you? What are your personal goals? Focus on you not on your sitch.

In the first few weeks and months following the bomb we focus so much on what they are doing and not doing that we neglect ourselves. That is not attractive to our spouses. There is no mystery there. Each time they check we remain the same clingy needy people they walked out on. We confirm their beliefs and justifications about moving on to their bright shiny new fantasy life.

I know this is hard. I am still working on me, and cannot personally cite a successful resolution yet. Please consider:

Sooner or later they will bottom out. It is inevitable. When they do they will notice how we are living. If we are moving forward perhaps moving on without them. Living a happy, productive desirable life then maybe, just maybe the seeds sown early in our relationships will grow again, and we’ll be faced with a dilemma. Do we mark time waiting for them or continue to move on?

Growth requires a series of sustained changes over time. The sooner we begin the better off we are. Just as we look for minor improvements in the interactions with our spouses we should look for baby steps for our own growth.

List your goals and then list things to do for personal improvement, personal satisfaction, personal happiness. What can you easily do? What will have impact? What can you easily do that will have high impact? Focus there, focus on you. We will all naturally return to our sitches. We must make effort to focus on us.

(((SD)))

PS eventually you’ll come off moderation. Think of it as building a trust relationship. Post in other threads, offer empathy and encouragement. Hang in there.