I totally relate to how you both feel about our spouses preferring to live w/o our children than to reconcile with us and wonder how is that possible. I used to obsess with thoughts like this all the time and now I am trying very hard not to think that. If I am completely honest with myself, I then have to admit that my H is NOT really preferring to live w/o the kids, he just cannot see himself living with ME, so he feels he has to sacrifice time with his kids to keep them away from the toxic relationship we had in our M. And to be honest, the way I was acting, with my anger, detachment from him and all the issues we had, I can see now how he felt this way. I understand clearly what his state of mind was when he walked away.
My husband literally told me he felt "trapped" in our marriage and it took him a long time to come to the decision to leave. What held him back? He said that he stayed as long as he did for the kids. He said that finally he came to a point where he just could not do it any longer.
Granted - he has also revised our marital history somewhat - he now cannot remember any good things about our 13 years of marriage, but there is a lot of truth in his description of our dysfunctional relationship. (Plus he also started an EA that I believe in my heart also helped him make the decision to give up and leave).
Brutally honest post, and something that many of us can relate to. Thanks for posting it.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
