"in terms of your question "how long do I wait and for what", you need to wait for her to make an overture to reconnect with you in some way. It needs to come from her, when she is ready."
"She needs to know that (1) you want to save the marriage, (2) that you don't want the same situation back that you had before -- you want something better, and (3) that you're willing to do the work on you."
Accuray,
It has become clear that I need to weight for her to come to me on one level or another - and in order to do that I need to foster and environment that would allow for it (peaceful discussions, no forced R talks, no begging/pleading). I guess I am struggling with how long that would actually take, and how to practice patience in the meantime. I guess that is where "detaching" is helpful - but detaching for the sake of saving your marriage is so antithetical to natural thinking - but I am giving in to it.
I know she knows that I want to save the marriage - but I let it be know before I read DR - so it was done mostly through tears and letters.....the message was put out there, but was it fully received? Like others I fear that my lack of contact with her will signal that I have made peace with the split - how does one manage that? How do I let her know that I am willing to work on me?? The natural answer would be not to TELL her but to SHOW her - and I feel that now that we are in two separate homes the chances to do that are limited at best. UGH. Help.
