NLW - for some reason I don't think I was every really "angry" per se. Maybe a little, but it has mostly been hurt, sadness, depression and a crushing sense of loss for me. Keep your temper and emotion in check the best you can. I have learned through trial and error and reading these boards that it never, ever helps your case when you lose it on your spouse. Sometimes I have to force myself to smile or fake and emotion I am not necessarily having at the moment - but I know it is for the best.
Accuray - Thank you for making me not feel so guilty about texting my W asking about our S. I stuck to the script and did NOT ask about her in any way, shape or form - it was all about our son and how much we both love him and miss him when he is away from either of us. Brief, no R talk at all.
I know I am breaking my self imposed rule and trying to look inside my W's head, but I couldn't move past this after our brief text exchange last night. She stressed how he is the light of her life, how much he misses him - etc., and I get that because I am feeling the same way. What I can't really get my head around is that I would do anything I could to not be away from him like I have to now - anything. I would never pursue an end that would result him in being away from me half the time. That says to me that the pain of living with or reconciling with me is greater than the pain of missing your only child when he is 19-20 months old. I just can't grasp that, but it clearly is not something I am meant to fully understand - nor is it something I can control - hence, into the wind it goes.
She has said things via text like "he likes it here, too" (in reference to her new place) "he has the best of both worlds". And she was sure to talk about activities that she wants to take him to, etc - like she is trying to signal to me that he is happy with her and being a good mom. Maybe it's because I try to keep her filled in on a few of the things we do together and she is trying to make the point that she is keeping him active and engaged, too....I dunno. All I know is that it hits us both square in the heart to be away from him. It's a trade-off that I will never understand. However, as mentioned above, if we are ever to repair our M I feel that he will be a part of it.
