Personally I don't see how being an involved parent will hurt your cause. I think it's fine to text her (or call her) specifically to talk about your son -- as long as that's all it's about and you don't give her any reason to think it's just a pretense to communicate with her. I'm sure she actually appreciates your care for your son. As long as you don't overwhelm her, an occasional text asking only about your son (and not her) is fine.
In terms of your question "how long do I wait and for what", you need to wait for her to make an overture to reconnect with you in some way. It needs to come from her, when she is ready.
She needs to know that (1) you want to save the marriage, (2) that you don't want the same situation back that you had before -- you want something better, and (3) that you're willing to do the work on you.
After you've made that clear *once* you're done and you're into prove it and wait.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
