I don't have a lot of experience with this, but from what you say, you already offered to him to commit to you 3 months ago and he rejected that offer. Do you feel you have leverage to get him to give you a different answer at this time? I would really think about that. Because if you don't, he might just feel more pressure and you may drive him farther away.
You mentioned that you would ask him to commit to 6 sessions, but that he would have to end things with OW. My H also has an OW that he is very much in love with . So my question would be - what would your H's motivation be for ending it with OW now? I don't know how serious his R with her is, but what if he says no? Then what? All I have read is to let As run their course. Probably the hardest thing to do for me, but I am trying.
The more I have opposed to OW and talked about her with H, the more he runs to her and far away from me. I think I am finally understanding that I have to get out of the way. I cannot control his R with her and he is not going to end it because I ask him so. Why? Because right now, today, he doesn't want me, he wants her. Period. And as depressing as that is, and as rejected and put aside as that makes me feel, I cannot control H. But I can control how I feel about it. So for now, because it's so hard to deal with, I put a stop sign and just try to get them out of my head.
That's all I can manage now re. OW, so that is all I do. Step aside and try to get them out of my head to not obsess. As time goes by, I might be able to deal with that differently.
In your case, it sounds like your H is already going to the sessions with you willingly. So why not continue going with him, without asking for a "firm" 6-session commitment? My feeling is that if the sessions are productive, there would be no reason for him to change his mind. I would just try to play it low key so he doesn't feel pressured. Why the need to "talk" about going? Just continue going and use those sessions to improve, change and show more 180s...
I soooo wished my H would even consider attending any kind of counseling with me... So take advantage of that!
Instead of seeing these as a waste of time, think about what you would like to tackle in each session and come prepared and armed for a very successful 1-hr. session with your H. I would strongly recommend talking to a DB coach and getting their opinion, setting goals and figure out how to get the most out of each meeting.
So I guess my humble advice to you would be - no R talks (except for what you guys discuss in counseling), no ultimatums, no begging. I just don't know that at this point your H would respond favorably. Instead, let the actions speak for themselves... Hang in there! ((( )))
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
