A Bklyn tale

[Coyote]

"I was left confused by your post. I didnt know what issues I should write down, issues I have in my M or individual issues."

Sorry if there was any confusion on this. The main idea of this is to get your anxiety and stress off the mind and down on paper or even a word editor where you can see it. Doesn't really matter on the exact format. I was just giving you one possible way to do that. You might even consider keepng a personal journal.

When I was going through this I would head to a local lounge and just start writing in my personal journal about issues that were bothering me about my sitch. I'd work out solutions as well. No particular format though. I would just work them into the body of the writing like I was working on an essay.

I found it very refreshing. So have many others too. Again, the exact format is unimportant. Work your own out if you feel the need.

"Also was confused by your emphasizing that I am not responsible for my H decisions. Does it seem like I feel responsible?"

I get the impression that sometimes you hold yourself responsible for everything that went wrong. Not so, you are responsible for only your half in this. Boo boo's that you may have done that didn't help.

If it helps, make a list of positive improvements you can do to turn around any negativity you may have done before. Listen to what H had to say. If there were any key points that keep coming up, as an example, 'you never complimented me when I help you out.' or 'you're always critical' then these type of things would need looking at.

However, you are not responsible for H's decision to leave. H is responsible for H's own decisions. You can't control H or his decisions. Don't even try or you'll drive him away even further. You are responsible for you and what you can control, you.

This kind of reminds me of when I've heard, 'Coyote, you don't make me happy.' So now I'm responsible for making me happy and WAS happy too?! WAS isn't responsible for they're own happiness, I have to shoulder the burden for 2 people's happiness?!! Ah...no. I would pine away at this before but when I finally found this out it was a nice little thing to know. No, I didn't throw it back into W's face but I did internalize it. Helped give me yet another nugget of stability to work from.

"The coach also suggested I do more GALing that wasnt centered around this sitch...its hard to then pay for a babysitter to go to the gym as well. "

To add to this, and you may have heard this before but make sure you eat healthy. Yes, keep some activity in your life, walk it off perhaps. Also, don't forget to go see your family doctor. Your body is really taking a beating right now. Get things checked up. Explain your situation. Sometimes they can even recommend mild levels of antidepressants to help smooth things a little. I know I had too. Not the only one too.

Have you thought of getting the baby stroller out and going for walks? Riding a bicycle somewhere instead of driving? Just suggestions.