"So R are suppose to work were one person just forgives the other no matter what they do and you just become a doormat. Yes, it ok to cheat on me, yell at me and our S, act selfish, and do whatever you want without putting your family first. What happen to reciprocation in R is that a bad thing to expect."
FWIW I don't think you are anywhere near ready to forgive. There is just an awful lot of bitterness coming across in your post. It is all understandable, don't get me wrong. But, you do have to get past the bitterness before you will ever be ready and/or able to forgive.
It has been said on this forum a thousand times; you change, then your partner changes. Someone has to take the first step. Maybe even the first several steps before the other party is willing to take a step.
So, what are you doing to change? Have you figured out your role in the breakdown of the M? You've got to dig deep to understand what is at the root of the issues in your M that you can control.
Have you been digging?
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
