W told me she is done & doesn't love me anymore.

[Snowman]

"No one said they knew what your M was like. We only know what you post."

You had made comments like you do know exactly what my marriage is like. I have read numerous stories on this board and many have their similiarities but they are all unique just like all people are.

"This is what you don't understand. SHE doesn't have to do anything that she doesn't want to. What would be a reason for her to change? That's what she needs to see."

I know she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to and she has not. I'm not going to wait around for ever for her to want something like work on our R. Your questions about what would be a reason for her to change is rehtorical as there are numerous reasons, one being our family and son. Trying to use logic with some that is illogical doesn't work.

So far my interpretation has been correct on things. Am supposed to just go through things willy-nilly thinking she has the best intentions for me when she has treated me like dirt and said many mean or hurtful things.

"Mindreading. You don't know what she's thinking any more than she knows what you're thinking."

Thats is correct. My W has the worse communication skills ever and I don't know what she is thinking because she won't tell me therefore all I can do is interpret from her actions what she is thinking.

At this point I don't think I'm trying to save my M. I have become the WAH so to speak I guess. I know no marriage is perfect by any stretch of the imagination and I know I will not find the person who is exactly what I want but I can find someone who is willing to try and not make me live in fear all the time.

"And that's where your immaturity in relationships come in to play. Forgiveness isn't something that she should do. It's something that is freely given. Even if she did ask for forgiveness, let's face it, you wouldn't believe her. It sounds like you might throw it in her face. That could be what she's afraid of."

Wow, now you are making a judgement calls on me based of very little that you know about me and I'm the immature one. So R are suppose to work were one person just forgives the other no matter what they do and you just become a doormat. Yes, it ok to cheat on me, yell at me and our S, act selfish, and do whatever you want without putting your family first. What happen to reciprocation in R is that a bad thing to expect. The entire world resents her right now as she has made everything so public on facebook. I would freely forgive her but and I know it is a but she could not continue in her behavior in actions the way she is and have things work. If that is wrong then I guess I don't get how R's are suppose to work.

I have not demanded anything from my W at this point. The communication has been dead for quite sometime about us. I have not forced issues or whatever. I want to move on with things. I'm done living in limbo with hopes that turn to disappointment on a constant basis. If I'm suppose to accept someone as my partner that wants to be selfish about everything then I will let them be but they can do it on their own.

To be honest I don't feel safe or secure with her at all. I know what is said in marriage about sickness and health, heck we even discussed that early on and all she had to say is we have broken those vows even thought I thought to myself not we have not you have. I can't force my wife to get the help she needs when it comes to her mental illness problems neither can anyone else. I have done extensive research on mental disorders and her behavior is classic to having a disorder. Without assistance from others she will never get the help she needs. I can't wait around for years to finally let me in to do so nor do I want to go more years living this way.

I understand not having unrealistic expectations for someone but not having any expectations at all for a person is like saying I don't care what you do good or bad it's ok because I will put up with it all. I don't want to live that way. I do have some certain expectations and one being that my partner wants the best for me and is willing to help me obtain that as I hold my own expectation for my partner that I want whats best for them. If that is wrong I guess I just am lost. I can't know what a person wants if they don't tell me as you have said, mindreading doesn't work.

If my W wants to be with another man and thats whats best for her then I support it and I will help her get it but when you hold me hostage for 6 months without telling me what you want other than a divorce numerous times then eventually I will give that to her. It may be sad but it is true.