Never thought I'd be here......part 2

[antlers]

I am ashamed of myself that it had to come to this for me to have these realizations come into sharp focus when all I had to do was listen a little bit more.

So now I am asking the experts on this board - how do I fix this within myself now that I am carrying this grief around?

I am not beating myself up here - just trying to be as honest as possible.

It's a shame that we sometimes have to lose the things that are the most dear to us in order for us to see what pricks we've been. I can empathize with nearly everything you're saying here. And so can many others.

I believe that it's never too late to start doing what's right. That doesn't mean that things are going to work out for you. But this is how you fix it within yourself...you have true remorse, you apologize, you ask for forgiveness, you do everything you can to atone, then you take corrective action and make the changes within yourself that need to be made...no matter what. You ask for and accept God's forgiveness, and then you forgive yourself. And you start thinking about things differently, and doing things differently.

I completely understand the honest self-reflection...and I think that honesty is necessary for you to learn and grow. The key is to do these things because they need to be done...period...and not because you just want things to work out.