I was filling a round hole with a square peg and calling it a perfect fit. I was wrong. I was selfish. I was stubborn. I was blind.
I think most of the people here could echo your words....
Some of the wisest words spoken here , were that we all did the best we could with the tools that we had in place for that particular time, and event.
Could we have all done better? Sure
Did we all know that we could have done better? Probably not.
Does that stop us from doing better in the future? It will if we don't recognize the patterns of behavior that caused us to go down that path, and kill the root of those issues.
Personally, I would rather not know and strive to learn, than to know and do nothing to change it.
Now that you know, you can never not know again.
Quote:
I have spent so much time trying to examine what was/is wrong with her that I didn't really look at what I did to drive her away. How does a perfectionist admit that they were a less-than-ideal spouse? I was covering all of the bases that I thought mattered - and not covering the ones that mattered to her. I felt like I did improve her life - but probably just from a material standpoint - and not completely from a "true happiness" standpoint. I thought as long as there was a little blue box from Tiffany under the tree every Christmas that it would show her how much I loved her - when all she really wanted was for me to hold her hand and walk to the park with our son.
I am ashamed of myself that it had to come to this for me to have these realizations come into sharp focus when all I had to do was listen a little bit more. I can try to blame this all on depression and hormones - and maybe there is a component of that involved, but it doesn't take away from the fact that there were REAL ISSUES driving her actions - depression or not.
So now I am asking the experts on this board - how do I fix this within myself now that I am carrying this grief around? Sure, I want to bring my family back - but I want to be BETTER first. I want her to believe that I am better and want to be back together - I just don't know how to get there from here.
The drive to make better choices and decisions is what will help you be successful.
Once you have identified the root of this, then you MUST be able to forgive....
And when I say forgive, I mean to forgive yourself for your actions. Remember that none of what you did, was malicious or with intent to harm your spouse.
Forgiveness is a gift that you give yourself, because I can assure you that your spouse isn't interested in hearing that from you right now.
I have but one question to start you on your path.....
You have listed the things you have identified as deficient behavioral patterns.....
