I agree with your friend that if H is sleeping with (or even in an EA with) another woman, then all you can do is tread water -- your goal is not to push him farther away versus drawing him closer. I think you're doing a good job of that, although like all of us, you sometimes struggle with pursuit.
"Going Dark" is the "Last Resort Technique", you should re-read that part of the book if you're considering doing that. The goal is to force a crisis by making H fully realize what life will be like without you. It's a gamble, which is why it's called "Last Resort". The implication is that if it doesn't work, you're done. I don't think you're there yet. I also think it will be difficult to go dark while sharing custody. I'd be interested in what others would say about the challenges of doing that.
Detaching is good and you should continue to do that, but going dark is the extreme end of detaching -- it means you don't see or talk to him.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
