Mach1 - thnk you so much for time and wisdom you have imparted. Yes, I understand that much of the pain is self induced, i.e stalking her FB, tracking the phone logs for calls to the OM. Journaling it here is actually me finally seeing it, acknowledging it for what it is and growing beyond it.
Your point about your W not doing this TO you but for her, and ultimately for you too is noted by me. I'm just waking up to that now.
You ask about my fear for the future? I still do not want a life without my W (although I only want a better M if we can do that) and hope for that, but really my fear is diminishing from an all encompassing level. I am really working on improving myself based on the things that got my W and I to the bomb level.
YOU ARE STILL HERE...
Please remember that one....
And since you are still here....
Live your life as if....
As if your troubles will be behind you soon...
As if you are the happiest person ever...
As if you are still a role model for those three boys...
Because at the end of the day ???
You are, and you will be.
YOU...define your future...
Nobody else....
you
One thing if I may...???
One thing today.
One thing that you can do different, that you haven't done in the past, but have always wanted to....
Let me know what it was...
Okay. I need to think about this and will get back to you!
