I hope you ( or anyone else here) didn't mis-interpret the point I am making here. Your goals , and everyone's goal is saving your marriage.
Things have changed though, and you are headed to court with a spouse that is willing to feed you to the Lions for an extra 3 dollars a month.
Right now, your goal is to fight for what is right for you. I have read the things you post, and understand how valuable your time with your children is. I have been there and done that.
The game changed when she filed, the game changed when she decided to be irrational. That means YOUR game must change to protect yourself.
Most whacked out spouses have a sense of entitlement as it pertains to the children. There is a sense of "ownership" because they carried them for 40 weeks. And although I fully understand the connection and bond that a Mother has with her child, it does not grant full ownership for that child.
Father's rights have changed over the years, and we don't live in a society anymore that automatically gives custody to the Mother. BUT, that doesn't mean that we don't have to fight for that right either.
Fighting for that needs to be done with Dignity, Grace, and Honor. Bad mouthing the other spouse, isn't the way through that. Most states have a "script" write in that does not allow that. It will say something to the effect of " Each parent must facilitate the relationship with the other parent"
Something else you should do....
Register and take a co-parenting class BEFORE you go to court. It will show the court that YOU are concerned more about your parenting than everything else.
Also, you should read about "parallel parenting". This more than likely, will be the style of parenting that you will face in the beginning.
The way you carry yourself through this, will be what your children will see. Remember that point. I always kept in the back of my mind, that this is all public record, and one day my children might just look this up and see exactly what happened.
What would I want them to learn ?
I also want you to know that just because the legal part of this is bearing down on you, and you MAY be Divorced soon, that YOU are the one who says when it is over. YOU have that power in your hands. YOU will write your future.....Nobody else
What does that look like for you ?
I'm really not trying to be a Debbie Downer...
I just want you to protect yourself from the insanity of what is around you right now.
Treasure the traditions that you start this year with your children...
Teach them the reason for the season.....
I had the pleasure of posting to a friend a couple years ago, who didn't have two dollars to rub together.
His Christmas Tree that year, was a length of art paper. He and his boys drew and colored a tree on it, and they taped it to the wall. As we talk now, and his life has turned around for him, THAT is the Christmas he and the boys speak of.
