DBing against OW...?????

[imthemom]

I know that what is happening is not about me, I know that I have taken responsibility for what I did to contribute to it...He has admitted that he knows I am not to blame for his drinking etc..and that he shouldnt have treated me the way he did/has....so what is left? therapy, anger managment, co parenting sessions...what is left???????

all the excuses he has used for a D are gone and yet on the 19th we will more then likely be signing papers. instead of trying to see if there is anything left and attempting MC it will just be over. yet he still wants to continue with Co parenting which wheather he admits it or not have been MC and very little to do with co parenting so whats the point? we talk about our R for an hour and then he wants to set another day to come back and do it again, and im left thinking there must be a reason for that and then ...well lets just say im left feeling like its ended again, all over again, and im spinning my wheels again....

I want to say look, if you want to keep comeing to these sessions lets just call it what it is and put the effort into talking about the hard stuff and stop wasting our time, but im scared that he will refuse and then ill have to really face that its over. because lets face it, im going threw the motions but im the back of my head im thinking if he wants to keep going back to those sessions there must be something there. and theres not...i know this...but its so much easier to think there is and not face that big black hole that has been following me around that he doesnt love me anymore.

i have been in a bad place ever since he sent me that text ....for some reason him realizing he shouldnt be treating me that way he is has made me feel worse. I really dont know what im doing....but this pain i carry around is just to much. every day all day...how long can a person do that? I have a day were i see clearly and then theres 4 days of just pure hell....