W told me she is done & doesn't love me anymore.

[MrBond]

"I find it pretty preposterous that you think that you have the slightest clue as to what my marriage has been like."

No one said they knew what your M was like. We only know what you post.

"I know that I have to deal with my W for the rest of my life and trust me I have done everything I can to work with her but she has not done anything."

This is what you don't understand. SHE doesn't have to do anything that she doesn't want to. What would be a reason for her to change? That's what she needs to see.

"She is not trying to get help. She has pushed her entire family away and those people that know her and care about her."

All WASs do. Read the stories of others.

"I would like you to explain how this is working on it because she tries to bait me with a text."

That's your interpretation. You don't know what the text was for. There are times when the WAS will try to reach out to their spouse. This might have been one. You just complained about how she didn't want to get help, but then she texted you. It could have been her way of starting something. You don't know.

"It is the correct attitude about her being mentally unstable because she is and numerous people have observed it, her psychologists referred her to a psychiatrist, and he own uncle who is a 20 year psychologist thinks the same. Its not like I just came up with that opinion yesterday, you might want to read all the posts."

Have you read the posts of others? They all act like that. My W included. And yes I have read all of your posts.

"I have been trying to do whats best for my S this whole time but she could care less."

Mindreading. You don't know what she's thinking any more than she knows what you're thinking.

"I find out hard to believe that a person can say that they want to talk about something and then not know what they want to talk about."

I'll tell you why...fear. You say she's "mentally unstable" well have you ever thought that she didn't know what to say because she didn't know HOW to say it? Your W communicates differently than you. It's not wise to believe that she communicates the same way you do.

"Its not like I'm the one that has destroyed the trust by running out on our family and marriage or lying constantly about things."

And this is where your resentment, anger and frustration come out. There's no problem with that. We've all felt it. We've been in your shoes. You'll have moments of peace, then intense feelings of anger, then low feelings of immense sadness.

"I feel like you guys are marriage counselors that are attacking me and my wife has no fault in this. Apparently I'm the bad guy in all of this."

You're mindreading again. No one said your W had no fault. No one said you were the primary one at fault. The point is that you are the one trying to save your M. It's not easy. But the more you continue to see yourself as a victim and not a solution, your resentment will just continue to grow.

Yes it's not fair. But NO and I mean NO marriage is perfect. To think you're going to find someone who is exactly the way you want is a pipe dream.

"I will talk to her but unless there is sincere want to work on things and great effort to ask for forgiveness for the cheating and many other things then I will stand with my decision."

And that's where your immaturity in relationships come in to play. Forgiveness isn't something that she should do. It's something that is freely given. Even if she did ask for forgiveness, let's face it, you wouldn't believe her. It sounds like you might throw it in her face. That could be what she's afraid of.

Let me tell you something. My W had an A with her boss. I did the same things you did and went through the same emotions. Hell I demanded that she ask for forgiveness. All it did was make things worse. Then I realized that I had to forgive her for what she did to me. It was hard as hell, but I did it. I stopped rubbing her nose in it. Once I did, she started to open up and trust again.

Your W needs to feel "safe" and secure with you. If you've done any reading on the needs of women, that's first and foremost. She's not going to want to be around someone she's afraid of. It take almost superhuman understanding and compassion but it can be done. If you say that your W suffers from a mental disorder, don't the vows say "in sickness and in health"?

If you want to give up, fine. But don't do it because you "expect" something of your W. You wouldn't want her to "expect" things from you would you? That would be controlling another person's life. Think back about when you first dated her. Did you have expectations that she had to meet? Probably not. You were probably just happy to be around her.

Once you start having expectations, your resentments will increase. Learn to let that go and you'll be the happier for it.