Beginning now...

[AntoniaB]

You are still that same person (godmother, aunt, etc.) but you have to be that person on your own terms. If you as an aunt want to see a niece or nephew, for instance, it makes sense to me for you to ask that person to lunch or something to catch up.

If it wasn't so painful to have it all on your X's family's terms, that would be one thing, but it is giving you days of dread or worry, then the event, then dealing with the aftermath. I just don't see how you have to put yourself through this.

Maybe I'm lucky that my XH's family dropped me like a hot potato and stopped any contact with me the minute he walked out, but I'd never in a million years have walked back into their midst (still wouldn't) just because I used to be someone who was connected to them by marriage. If I really thought it made sense to be connected, I'd do it in small doses, on my terms. I wouldn't walk into a roomful of people who showed no support for me or our marriage and who also opened the door to OW, all because they're all so morally bankrupt that they didn't have the guts to take a stand or, short of that, have the decency to express care or worry about me.

I don't recall you saying his family was supportive of you, perhaps I'm wrong.

But if they were not, why are you putting yourself through the wringer like this? You can still fulfill your roles from afar, via phone calls or letters to individual people or, like I said, a lunch or dinner date on your terms.